Talking to Fel songwriter
This year, I've had the privilege of seeing Fel Songwriter perform a few times -
including a set with her trio at Zamanand. Curious about what drives her music, I asked her a few questions...
Q: For those of us who aren’t so familiar… who are you and what’s your music about?
A: My name is Fel and I'm a singer-songwriter, producer and artist from Santos (Brazil), based in Munich (Germany). My project "felsongwriter" focuses on healing from mental health issues, especially those with Complex PTSD, and spreading hope to those who want to give up. It also talks about themes surrounding living with C-PTSD, like falling in love, making and losing friendships, feeling ashamed of feeling too much, and grief. Trauma and grief go hand in hand.
I've been through a lot of traumatic experiences myself, and I suffer the effects of that trauma every day. One of the ways this affects me is by being afraid of leaving the house, and music gives me a big purpose to face that fear every single time.
Q: I noticed that even though so many of your songs tackle sad and sensitive subjects, you also show off your bubbly and sassy personality on stage. How do you integrate both aspects into your artistic identity?
A: Honestly? I'm just being myself. There is a duality inside of me: my real personality vs my illness, Complex PTSD. It's a tough mind space to be in, but I've learned that a lot of us have some form of duality or contradiction inside of us, and that's what makes us so unique. When you carry this much heaviness, it can be difficult to feel like life is something worthy of hanging on to. That's why, on and offstage, I treat every interaction as a chance to help others. I believe empathy can heal the world, and if I can do something good with my energy, be the light that others need, then maybe I can feel like my own life is worth hanging on to, even on the darkest of nights.
Q: Your tagline is “inspiring you to heal and find your voice”.
As a medical student, I’ve noticed that healing mean different things to different people. What is healing to you? How can we tell that it’s happening?
A: Healing, to me, is doing the work necessary to promote health in our bodies and minds. When we live with trauma, healing can only begin when we face our past traumatic experiences, and that is usually something we try to avoid. Even if we have daily panic attacks, react in explosive ways around our chosen family, have developed physical illnesses that stem from the chronic stress in our body, and see all the other ways that trauma is affecting our lives... We just never want to think about our past again. But we must face it in trauma therapy, if we ever want to feel better. To me, EMDR and Brainspotting were two forms of therapy that helped the most! Over the years, my body starts to recognize that the past is in the past, and it starts to relax and be able to do more things that only created paralyzing panic a year ago. That's healing.
Photocredits: Patrick Vogl
Q: I could recognise your voice anywhere… what went into shaping your singing voice?
Teachers, family members, artists you looked up to...
A: That's a really nice thing to say, so thanks! I always had a very "soft, angelic" voice, at least that's what others told me, but I never believed it was any good. I started singing lessons when I turned 30, and my teacher Rozette (Jenn Beaupre) really helped me unlock the power behind the softness. One artist I really look up to vocally is Cassadee Pope, been a huge fan since her Hey Monday days!
5) I recognised Winston aka Crisa in your Ensemble - a skilled musician in his own right!
Tell me more about your Ensemble, and what hidden talents they hold.
I actually have two bands that play the same songs: an acoustic and a pop-punk band! But we are talking about the acoustic set at Zamanand, in which I performed with the amazingly talented Winston Aquije (Crisa) and Raimund Seitz (Rai). They are insanely good! Both can play anything at any time, even songs they never heard before, and do so regularly at open stages when others ask to spontaneously borrow my band members. Rai can do guitar solos at +200bpms and Crisa can play the cajon in any rhythm you throw at him. I consider myself really lucky that such amazing musicians believe in my music so much that they want to be part of this journey with me. They are also really kind people who show me grace and understanding when I'm having a bad phase. Thank youuu!
